When I was getting reading to move into the new parish house in September, I looked through all my belongings and starting giving away things, downsizing, keeping only those things that give me joy.
A difficult challenge for me was my photo albums. You see, I am one of those people who actually would print my photos and put them in albums. But when I looked at all my albums, I realized that I had 12 albums starting from back in college. So I went through each one and took out all the pictures of similar categories . . . like my canoe trips, or my college friends. And then with each pile of photos, I went through them to leave only the most important ones. I mean, how many photos of sunsets or walleyes catches do you need?
I managed to pare down those 12 albums into 3 albums. [Hold up one of the albums.] Those other photos, I either gave away or gave back to Jesus (that is, throw away). Actually Jesus received most of the photos.
Part of one of the albums I have here [show album] contains pictures of my family. Now remember, I have a big family . . . with many holiday gatherings, weddings, etc. But in here are my favorite memories. And I find, that when I have less . . . I actually can enjoy them more.
Now with my family, we are getting together this Sunday afternoon to celebrate Christmas. We figured out that what was most important was simply being together when most could be there, rather than being together on Christmas Day for many of the nephews and nieces have other family obligations.
Knowing what is important to a group, or a family is important. For example, we never talk politics, we just don’t. Actually, I have no idea how many of my family votes, and I don’t need to. We, as family, have had to endure many obstacles. They may not have been how any one of us would have chosen to do something . . . but for the sake of the group, we accept.
Like when my nephew and his wife decided NOT to baptize their children, or as another nephew is engaged to his boyfriend and are planning a wedding soon. As a family, we just decided that these are adults and that if we want to stay connected to them we support them.
Every family needs to figure out boundaries, or structures that they can live with. For example, do you allow phone use at the dinner table? Is swearing OK at your house? What does a curfew mean?
In the gospel, we hear about the Holy Family establishing what is important to them. I mean, how do you yell at Jesus? But they say, “You had us so worried. We are in charge, you go where we go.”
You teenagers out there, listen to that . . . your parents set the rules. They get to make the decisions. And if you think that you are a god and you know more than your parents. It doesn’t matter, they make the curfew, they tell you what’s acceptable to clothes you wear. And believe me, I have not met parents yet who wake up each morning and say, “Ok how can we mess up our daughter’s life today? Oh let’s make her stay away from this event.” NO. It doesn’t work that way, your parents are trying the best they can to raise you in the healthiest environment they can.
And I hope it includes teaching you to determine what is most important. Sometimes it’s best to keep you mouth shout, and not tell someone what you think. Just because you have a opinion doesn’t mean others need to hear it. . . or that there isn’t another way of looking at things.
What is important to your family’s well-being? Do you always need to be right, do you always need to be in control? Do you always have to be the one who appears wonderful?
Have some compassion. Everything we do is either an act of love, or a cry for help. We all can act as jerks, start imaging goodness from the other persons, or that they are crying for help.
Opt out of the petty stuff. Get away from drama. Don’t put yourself in those awful settings. Of course, show up, be there . . . but if things get crazy, don’t you become crazy.
Stop giving away your power. Stop caring about what everyone thinks, even your adult siblings. You set the standard for how people can treat you.
Families are wonderful, of course. But NO family is perfect. 99% of all families have some level of dysfunction . . . and the other 1% are in denial. All families make mistakes, like the Holy Family did in the gospel, by losing their son. But they re-grouped, talked it out and started over. Your family can do the same. Give them a chance.