This past Thanksgiving, I hosted my family again. I have been doing this for years. I provide the turkey and the wine; everyone else brings the rest. But this year, I found out the real meaning of holidays with family . . . for the turkey wasn’t done on time . . . and the important thing of family together is to harass the cook and give him a hard time for screwing up the meal. Oh, the turkey got done, we put it in the oven and I found out later that I was using a defective roaster. But most of the teenagers couldn’t wait that long, so they had turkey for dessert. The real meaning of holidays with family is to feel comfortable enough to laugh, shrug it off and say, “Yea, you screwed up, oh well.” You see, a worse reaction would be if they were painfully polite and tried to make me good with pathetic sayings like, “Oh that’s OK. I didn’t really want turkey anyway.” or “Hey but your house looks nice.” NO. Family is the group that can be honest with you . . . and hopefully you can be honest with them. As one of my brothers said, “So the turkey’s not done. Pour some more wine.” I think that families get in trouble when there is NOT honesty, or there is game playing to keep one member happy or dance around the room and avoid the elephant in the room. For bad things occur to families all the time. Bad things occurred to the Holy Family in today’s gospel. The life of Jesus was threatened, so they took off to keep him safe. They become immigrants. I wonder how manty of those who are currently leaving their countries are doing so because they, too, feel their lives are in danger. When there are bad things happening, hopefully family is the group that you can rally with . . . to sit by the bed of someone in the hospital, to give a ride when there’s a problem, to give honest feedback or to break into needed laughter when things get too tense. Now remember that sometimes people need to make some huge changes in families . . . because it becomes too toxic. So I will always advocate people NOT to enable, stay in abusive situations or keep silent when awful things occur. But generally family is the place where you can screw up and you are still accepted. But I have come up with 5 things that families teach us. Or things that we can remember by being part of a family . . . . How to share. It’s not always about you. I come from a family of seven kids, so we had to share everything and I hated it, but now I realize that I learned lots from that. Often it is the sharing in families that helps us deal with being part of a group, or team. And that means that we don’t always get our way. We negotiate and often compromise. If you don’t transform your pain, you will always transmit it. Many destructive habits or attitudes are inherited from our elders. Accept the good, change the bad. If you don’t, you will be passing those same attitudes on. Your attitude about life, will often shape life’s attitude about you. Isn’t it time to stop being so angry or grumpy all the time? This is the season of being thankful. As St. Paul wrote in the second reading, “Put on heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Everyone deserves a second chance. Forgiveness is a gift that you can give to yourself. Paul continues, “Bear with one another and forgive one another, if you have a grievance against another, as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do.” The family that prays together stays together. It’s that simple. Try it. And as Paul continues, “Be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly. Whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus.” And remember, as author Richard Bach wrote, “The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy is each other’s life. Often members of one’s true family don’t grow up under the same roof.”