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October 25, 2020: Agonism

I have a true story for you. The year is 2014. We are in Iran. Seven years earlier a teenager stabbed another teenager and he died. That killer was to be hanged. He is in the public square, blind folded, standing on a chair, and a noose around his neck. Under the law, the parents of the victim are given the power to push aside the chair so he would die or to pardon him. The victim’s Mom’s name is Samereh Alinejad (Sah-mehr-ah All-in-yad). A devote Muslim. She had already lost another son. She is furious in grief.   More on this later.

 

Not many of us can relate to that kind of rage, but I suspect many of you have been angry with someone lately because of the upcoming election. You have probably wondered (and maybe even exchanged harsh words) over . . . “How can you think like that?” or “You can’t vote for that person.” For some of you this upcoming election feels like a battle, or even a war.

 

You probably suffer from a condition (and this is real) known as AGONISM [show the word spelled out]. Agonism is not a medical condition, but it is contagious. The best definition is: taking a warlike stance in contexts that are not literally war.   It comes from the same Greek root word AGON, where we get the word AGONY.   For many of us we feel in agony currently. And we all show symptoms of agonism when we hold onto two deeply held beliefs, first identified by author Rick Warren:

 

1) If we love someone we must agree with all that they do or believe. The second is the opposite

2) If we disagree with someone, we must hate them or fear them.

 

Think of how many relations have been ruined, or killed because we think we have to agree or disagree . . . no matter what.   Think of all the world issues we are concerned about, or sadly consider those trivial topics we have gotten worked up about.

 

Now think of today’s gospel, Jesus reiterates the powerful notion from the Old Testament (Deuteronomy 6:5) that our most important commandment is to love God with all that we have . . . “I love you God, and I want to do the right thing. I want to vote for the right person.”

 

But then Jesus adds another verse, this one from Leviticus 19:18 to love your neighbor as yourself. Notice he doesn’t say, “As much as yourself, or as much as you love yourself.” No. It is to love that other person AS yourself, AS an extension of yourself, AS part of yourself.

 

So what do we do when that other person(s) is just wrong in their thinking, their politics, their voting? Well there are two things we can. The first thing is to . . .

 

1) Cultivate common ground. Focus on finding something in common that you share. And I use the word cultivate deliberately, that is to “work on it,” just like a farmer cultivate the soil so that it can produce good crops. And common ground does not mean that we are agree or approve. But simply to find ONE thing that you both share in common.

 

We don’t cultivate relationships by arguing and arguing until they believe what we believe or we have convinced them that they are wrong. But start where Jesus asks us to . . . by loving them as extension of ourselves. That is, to be in relationship.

 

And being in relationship is what cures AGONISM. You can love and accept that other person.   You don’t have to buy into the lies that

to love someone AS yourself is to give up your beliefs,

or that you need to hate that person.

Instead choose to focus on what you have in common.

 

When you can find even the smallest bit of common ground, it allows you to understand the wonder, beauty and complexity of that other person.

 

2) Exchange extravagant grace. That is, if you do love God (as Jesus says) then you also know that God loves you. There is an exchange. And God loves you, even with your flaws, your sins. God doesn’t put a condition on that love for you. You cannot do anything to earn more of God’s love and cannot do anything to hinder or stop God’s love for you.

 

So how/why can how can you put any preconditions on loving another? Stop thinking “I would love you (I would accept you), but you think like this and so I can’t love you. Or because of your view, your vote your voice . . . that cancels everything.”

 

No. Give grace, accept grace. Let it be extravagant grace, overflowing, over the top. A great definition is from Holocaust survivor, Corrie ten Boom, she says, “To forgive is to set the prisoner free, only to realize that prisoner was me.”  

 

So back to the story of Samereh Alinejad (Sah-mehr-ah All-in-yad).   She climbs up on the chair and slaps him in the face. That signaled that she was pardoning him. Afterwards, someone asked her what she was thinking. She said, “I felt as if rage vanished within my heart. I felt as if the blood in my veins began to flow again.”  

 

Isn’t that incredible? What a hero of grace. Grace is the gift we give to someone in relationship that says our relationship is way more important, than what separates us.

 

And we all have the power to . . . to knock over chairs or to love.

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