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Sunday, September 6, 2020: Beyond Fine

Reflection by Molly Weyrens, Pastoral Associate:

I’m going to start with a story that many of you I am guessing can relate to.. My sister and I were parking our car at a hotel where we were staying for a wedding. We looked over and the brother of the groom and his wife who are good family friends looked like they were having a bit of a disagreement. Nothing too intense, but something nonetheless. I said, “ Is everything ok?” He slammed the trunk down and said, “ Everything is just FINE! In our family growing up everying was always FINE!” My sister and I said, “ Really, everything was always FINE in our family too!” We all laughed and from time to time fondly remember this exchange.

I think many of us can relate to the “EVERYTHING’ S FINE SYNDROME” It’s when there’s something going on, but we don’t want to talk about it! We know it’s not the best approach, but it’s the easiest at the time. During our COVID time I am guessing there are a number of people who have struggled with this syndrome.

Our readings today are so rich. The Gospel today from Mathew is about how we relate to each other and resolve conflict in community.   It starts out with “ If a brother or sister sins against you go and point out the fault.” Notice it doesn’t say go and tell everyone but that person why you are mad! Go to that person. Then if that person does not listen, get 2-3 other people to witness the discussion – Matthew is actually referring back to Deuteronomy. If he/she does not listen then we need to get 2-3 witnesses to help. This was actually a practice that Matthew is bringing in from Deuteronomy when it was required to have 2-3 witnesses who had seen an offense happen so that there might be a fairer interpretation of what the reality of the situation was. If the person being challenged still will not listen, then he/she needs to be brought before the church. Each level calls on the community in a different way.

Matthew was wanting to instruct the communities about how Jesus had called for unity. There as unrest outside the church in the 1st century as well as tension inside the church. While there is concern for the individual, the welfare of the ekklesia—the church—the community of faith—is paramount.

I so appreciate that our faith challenges us about how we need get along. That principle sets us apart from the secular world, where people are more inclined to emphasize individual rights than our responsibilities to each other. An example for today would be our wearing of masks. There are many who say, “ It’s my right not to have to wear one!” And there are others who say, “ Not sure how effective it might be, but I am willing to wear mine for the common good.” In today’s world, people often walk away from relationships quickly and easily. Rather than allowing us to just walk away, Jesus calls us to explore possibilities that might lead to reconciliation. He outlines a deliberate, intentional process. He will not let us easily off the hook, but requires us to take the initiative and make amends.

Jesus is wanting the church to be a source of community and accountability. Now this doesn’t mean that we look out for people acting against the church and call them out in a vindictive and shameful way. It DOES challenge us to get the courage to approach them and remind them of who we are being called to be as people of faith.

Jesus doesn’t allow us to leave the wound untended, whether we inflicted the wound or are among those who have been wounded. He makes US the responsible agent for correcting the problem in either event. That is how we build up the Body of Christ in the church and hopefully move that influence outside the church into the world.

 

So what’s the best way to do this? I offer a couple of suggestions…

  1. Call upon the Holy Spirit to guide you.
  2. Find a time and place that is right to talk with the person. This is NOT when they are just heading out the door for work or arriving home after work. Also, try and find a private place to meet and if the person is angry, let them know it might not be the best time to talk.
  3. Lean into the fear and discomfort. Just know that it’s going to feel uncomfortable. That’s ok. We need to practice this and over time it will diminish.
  4. Do NOT avoid the situation – also do not always agree to disagree… when we avoid certain conversations, and never fully learn how the other person feels about all of the issues, we sometimes end up making assumptions that not only perpetuate but deepen misunderstandings, and that can generate resentment.” 
  5. Bring to the conversation a feeling humility. Not finger pointing or YOU, You Yous!
  6. STAY IN THE CONVERSATION….
  7. Offer a thanks for being willing to enter into the conversation instead of ignoring it.

 

None of this is easy. And especially right now with our political climate and the racial tension that is happening we have added layers. However, you will also hear in this Gospel, that lovely verse… “ Where two or more are gathered in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” Jesus is in the midst of our lives ALWAYS. This is another example of Real Presence. We experience it here on this altar AND with one another.

We would do well to practice this in our places of work, living rooms, playing fields, classrooms, neighborhoods and churches.   As St. Paul instructs us today - “ Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another.” May we get beyond FINE to LOVE each other well.

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"I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain."

– James Baldwin, Writer and playwright

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