Jesus did not have to die on the cross. He chose to. So when he says in the gospel that we are to “take up our cross and follow him” he is not implying that it means melodramatically enduring our personal woes . . . with “Poor me” or “Woe is me.” No, he means for us enter into a different way of living that might be difficult (even to feel like being crucified). But it is doing the right thing. For example, like Jesus “giving a cup of water to someone thirsty.”
Well, there is a famous write . . . Fr. James Martin (he’s a Jesuit priest, just like Pope Francis).
He created 3 essentials for good living. Or I would say . . . 3 essential ways that we could take up our crosses and follow Jesus.
[Have a person in pew stand up and read #1] YOU ARE NOT GOD. Ok, you cannot change most things, so stop trying. Also, you’re not in control, God is, so stop acting as if you were. Thirdly, you don’t know everything, so stop acting as if you do. This might bring some you calm and humility . . . . and also going to make the people who live with you “less crazy.”
[Invite a second person to stand up and read #2] THIS IS NOT HEAVEN. I know, I know this parish is outstanding and this part of the world in summer seems pretty nice. But, this is not heaven, so don’t expect it to be. Yes, the neighbor is cranky. Yes, your coach makes some bad mistakes. Yes, your Mom or Dad disappointed you again. Guess what? They are human and you are human. You will get perfection in heaven . . . for now, we get mosquitoes, ticks, and poison ivy . . . and it is still pretty good (but not heaven).
[Invite a third person to stand and read #3] DON’T BE A JERK. Now, we all have fallen into this a one time of another . . . but with Twitter and being able to post anonymous mean comments, or politicians yelling at one another, or people driving like they own the road . . . “jerkiness” seems to be contagious.
How do we stop the contagion?
- Give people the benefit of the doubt. Stop assuming they are out to get you. Perhaps that comment came because of some stress at work. Maybe when she didn’t say hi to you, it was not because she was avoiding you. Maybe she didn’t see you or was deep in thought. For you kids, especially you teenagers . . . I guarantee that your parents don’t wake up each morning and plot how they ruin your life today. No, they are trying their best. Give them some slack. St. Ignatius said, “Every good Christian ought to be more eager to put a good interpretation on a neighbors’ statement then to condemn it.” Amen
- Avoid attacking the person, when you disagree. It is so easy, especially in marriages, to cut the person down. For example there is a big difference between “I didn’t really care for that hot-dish” rather than “You’re a bad cook.” Cool it down a bit. Don’t attack instead of becoming more honest with you how you feel. But watch it, you can’t say “I feel . . . that you’re a bad cook.” Come on, stop being so mean . . . especially to those closest to you.
- Finally, ask God to help you see others the way God sees them. Realize that everyone is caring a cross. Everyone feels (or has felt) crucified. It doesn’t mean that you should tolerate abusive behavior or that anyone can get away with anything. NO. But try looking at that difficult person as God would look at them.
St. Paul wrote in the second reading, “start living for God in Christ Jesus.” You know how to become better . . . better spouse, better parent, better child, better neighbor, better friend. Don’t be a jerk, for as Jesus said, “When you lose your life (this jerkiness, this arrogance, this ego, this “poor me” attitude) . . . when you lose your life, you find it.