School is about to start so for all of you I have a quiz for you. If you answer yes to any of these statements count one finger on your right hand. If you answer no to any these statements count a finger on your left hand.
On your car radio, two or more buttons are set to oldies stations.
You get uptight when someone even slightly disrupts your daily routine.
You’ve wanted to confront your boss or mate or a friend about a pressing issue
for a long time, but haven’t gotten around to it.
When reading the newspaper you always read a certain section first.
You always sit in the same spot for Church, or meetings, or for lunch.
If you answered yes to two of more of these questions…it means that you answered yes to two or more of these questions. I just made those up, they don’t mean anything. But did you catch that all the questions had to do with change? Some of us love change; some of us hate it!
Believe it or not, that second reading from Ephesians dealt with change. At the time of the writing, there was a certain marriage code . . . i.e. husbands were in charge of their wives.
Men arranged marriages.
Women were expected to serve.
Wives and children were considered property.
Well, the writer of Ephesians comes along and changes things. Oh sure, the writer talks about serving (i.e. being subordinate) but this is actually is a big development.
That is, serving should look different under Christ.
To wives he says not to serve with resentment (e.g. saying, “that ole’ Son of a . . . “),
but serve as the Church serves Christ.
And then to husbands (and this is the biggy) . . . the writer says “Husbands, I want you to try something novel . . . LOVE YOUR WIVES.” Whoa! The text says, just as you know how to treat your own bodies well, (i.e. how to live, how to feel) . . . well, treat your spouse the same way.
The result is that marriages were transformed.
No more having the wife subjected to the husband without qualification
(e.g. “Yes honey, anything you say dear. Would you extend my leash so I can go uptown?”)
But now we have the husband asked to devote himself without question to the love of his wife. Thus the household code is turned upside down, the emphasis rests no longer on the duty of the wife to the husband, but on the husband’s love for his wife.
This was big stuff at the time . . . shocking change! The trouble is, some people, today, take those verses at face value and don’t consider the cultural context. It is the same as in the next chapter of this same letter (chapter 6), the author supports slavery and says, “Be good slaves.” Of course we don’t take accept those verses as they are, but consider the historical context of the time.
Actually, there are many incidences of scripture that make sense ONLY in that time period . . . but do not apply today from what we know about science or sociology.
But still, the Ephesian author was trying to “improve things about marriage.” And we should also accept that invitation. How can we all improve marriages?
Think of the secrets of spousal abuse (verbal, physical, or emotional)
. . . and we don’t do anything about.
Think about marriages where one is trying to control the other
…and we never say anything.
Think about the derogatory ways you hear people talk about their spouse
. . .and is never challenged.
Think about the TV shows or the jokes that support an unhealthy system of power
. . . and we laugh.
Marriages are intended to reflect the love that Christ has for us, the Church. Some people say that gay marriages will wreck the institution of marriage. I say, that lack of communication and lack of respect within a marriage wrecks the institution of marriage.
Now here is my bias . . . I think that ALL marriage can be improved! It doesn’t “just happen” it takes some intentional work. It starts by couples talking . . . with each other, with a trusted friend.
This is especially challenging for men. Somehow, guys feel that they know everything about being a good husband . . . but hey, everyone can always improve. So be open!
And for those of you who want to improve their marriage. There are tons of resources.
We have a counselor from Catholic Charities who meets with people at North on Mondays.
The bulletin lists opportunities for marriage enrichment in retreats called Marriage Encounters.
And for those marriages that are suffering, there are retreats called Retrouvaille.
There is a World Meeting on Families that is being held this fall in Philadelphia.
The way to improve marriages is not by comparing your marriage, competing with another couple or judging any other union . . . but do the Ephesian’s writer suggests:
treat the other as the place where Christ dwells.