September 13, 2026: How to Forgive

How to forgive

Later today, I will be going to the Vikings’ season opener against the Green Bay Packers. Skol! Skol! Skol! I am excited. I have my gear [show Viking cap and shirt]. I’m going with a friend who informed me that our seats will probably be surrounded by Packer fans.

I am OK with that. We have lots of parishioners who are Packer fans [ask for applause], and one of my best friends is a priest who lives in Wisconsin.

And none of us should ever look at the opposing team, at any level, as an enemy. If we do, we might miss out on appreciating the great catch or that fabulous run. It’s a shame when fans get mad at the opposition [imitate gibberish grunting]. “That other team” is not the bad guys.

And that actually gets us to today’s Gospel. Jesus tells us that we are to forgive—not just the people we like, not just the people who apologize, and not just the people who deserve it. We are to simply commanded to forgive.

OK, even if the Packers have won four Super Bowls and we have won . . . uh, none. Even though Packer fans outspend Viking fans on merchandise. Even though Packer fans will celebrate after every game, even if they lost, while Viking fans turn off the TV at halftime if things look bad. Jesus says we are to forgive.

To forgive—it’s not a recommendation, like flossing every day or using sunscreen. It’s a command, especially if we want God the Father to forgive us, which is the point of the parable. But how does one forgive? I’ll give you three steps.

#1: Stop talking smack about the person—or persons. Stop gossiping or bringing up their shortcomings. Stop rolling your eyes when someone talks about them. Now, some of you teenagers are really good at eye-rolling. So, you teens, find an adult sitting near you and show them a good eye-roll. [Have them do it.]

Just stop the comments, the jokes, the jabs. It’s like the old saying: “If you can’t say anything nice about someone, don’t say anything.”

#2: Pray for them. Just as Jesus says in Matthew 5:44, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Now, the person may not be your enemy, but it still applies to whomever you need to forgive.

Your prayer should not be, “God, change that jerk so he agrees with me.” Or “Help her to see how wrong she is.” No! Your prayer can be something as simple as, “God, give her a good night’s sleep.” Or “God, I hope he eats his vegetables today.” 

Because the big thing is this: you are never going to change the person. I get it. You’ve been wronged. They did something bad. But if you expect them to come around and ask for your forgiveness, you’ll be the one suffering and having a bad day—while they probably won’t even notice.

You can’t change them, but you can influence them. You can inspire them. And if you are in a harmful situation, for goodness’ sake, get out of it. Do what you need to do to be safe. But when you pray for that person, it leads to #3.

#3: Let God handle this. Let go. Stop focusing on it. This may be the hardest part of forgiveness. We want justice. We want the other person to admit that they were wrong. We want them to understand how much they hurt us. Sometimes we even want them to suffer a little bit—just enough to make things fair!

But forgiveness means letting go of our need to control the outcome. You don’t have to make everything right. You don’t have to get the last word. You don’t have to make the other person understand. That’s God’s job, not yours.

You can say, “Lord, this person hurt me. I’m angry. I don’t know what to do with all of this. So I’m going to put it in your hands.”

And then let it go. You may have to do that more than once. Maybe every day. Because sometimes the hurt comes back. When it does, give it back to God again.

And instead of spending all your energy thinking about what that person did wrong, spend your energy becoming the person God is calling you to be. You can’t control them. You can’t change them. But you can decide who you are going to be.

Fr. Richard Rohr says, “The best criticism of the bad is the practice of the better.” In other words, don’t spend your life fighting the darkness. Be the light.

I have a story for you. You know how many of the parishes in our Diocese are freaking out because of the closing and merging of churches? Well, it doesn’t affect us, because we went through that back in 2010 when we merged St. Pius (Zimmerman) and St. Edward (Princeton). I keep telling these pastors: Don’t focus on the hate letters and angry comments.

Instead, remind the folks that, yes, this is tough, and yes, it doesn’t seem fair. But we have to trust the Holy Spirit working through the leadership of the Diocese. Otherwise, what else do we have? Anyway, when we merged, there was a group of parishioners who hated my guts—and they let everyone know it. It was hurtful for me and for many of you.

I did my best to forgive the nasty letters sent to parishioners, the misinformation and angry comments that surfaced, and all the rest. You get the idea. Well, years after we had merged and everything had calmed down, one of the chief antagonists called me to his bedside as he was dying. . . . to apologize.

Now, I said, “Don’t expect it.” I didn’t. I had turned this over to God, and then, here this happens. Well, I was crying. I told him that I did forgive him . . . and I asked his forgiveness of me. And he died a few hours after that.

As St. Paul said in the second reading:

“None of us lives for oneself and no one dies for oneself . . . whether we live or die, we are the Lord’s.”

So go now and do what the Lord wants you to do.