We are moving into the wedding season, so I wanted to get some perspectives on love. I found a few good insights on love and on marriage . .
Karl – age 5 “Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.”
Elaine -age 5 “Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.”
Rebecca – age 8 “When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.”
Mark – age 6 “Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross.”
Danny – age 7 “Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.”
As you know, we are blest in this parish to have many examples of love, especially a love that has endured for many years. I asked one couple who have been married for 46 years, “What is your secret for growing in their love?” The wife told me, “To really, really listen to him, to find his wants and needs and I always try to answer with love (and not holler).” He said, “I look forward to the happiness and sharing of every waking day.” Then he adds . . . “And people said it wouldn’t last.”
Another couple, married for 51 years said “Of course we can take each other for-granted, but we awaken and try to bring it to the table. We’ll call each other on it.”
Love can be difficult at times; it’s not always about smelling each other or receiving the best piece of chicken. The real tragedy occurs when couples stop growing or they think that they have nothing more to discover about the other person.
Fr. Kevin Seasoltz, a theologian from St. John’s who died recently, said, “The day you say you know someone is the day you stop loving them.” That is a profound statement, especially when most of would like to say that we know our spouses or our friends or our families quite well. I suspect that Fr. Seasoltz means that when we think that we fully know someone . . . that is, there is no more mystery or discovery or surprise . . . and we think that we know exactly what she or he is going to say or do or how they will react. It might be comforting in one sense, but Seasoltz infers that it is NOT what love is.
And the real problem comes when any of us profess that we fully know God. We can’t, for God is too big and wondrous for any of us to think that we can even comprehend a tidbit of God. Often we confuse faith and belief. Belief is about knowing doctrines and creeds (which is not a bad thing). But it becomes a bad thing IF we assume that knowing doctrines and creeds is knowing God.
Faith is not having certainty. Faith is about entering into the mystery of God. Faith is an orientation toward the mystery of love. Faith is about “jumping off” and not knowing where you are going to land . . . but sensing that God will be with you.
The feast of Pentecost is when the early disciples where filled with the Holy Spirit not only “from above” but from within. They were on fire with the love of God . . . but not because they knew exactly how God was going to lead them or where God was going to take them. If they knew, then it would be a belief (filled with absolutes and certainties). As if saying, “I know God now and this is what I am going to do . . . or this is exactly how my life will now turn out.”
You graduates, I hope that you have lots of doubts and fears about the future. Of course it’s good to have some idea of where you “sort of” think how you want your life to go. But if there is no mystery or doubt or worry, how boring would that be?
If any of you never thought that your marriage or your friendships could grow or expand (even after many years) . . . how awful. Or if any of you thought that you fully understand God because you’ve memorized some creeds or doctrines . . . how shallow is that? St. Augustine once wrote “If you think that you understand, it’s not God you are talking about.”
This feast day of Pentecost is actually the celebration of the start of the Church and the gif to faith. St. Paul says that religion can harden the heart by “insisting on its own way” whereas faith (let me repeat) is an orientation toward the mystery of love.
Here are some more quotes from our experts. ..
Terri – age 4 “Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.”
Tommy – age 6 “Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.”
Jessica – age 8“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.”