The disciples were filled with the Holy Spirit on this day of Pentecost. And I would imagine that most of us would also like to filled with the Holy Spirit. That is, we desire a “Peace of Mind,” or a peacefulness that Jesus talks about in the gospel. But often we are filled with other things. We often have our own “bag of coping skills,” our established talents, our resourcefulness for finding peace. Or sometimes we look to things to get to a peacefulness . . . like alcohol, or medications, or that certain web-site. Those things can even become addictions, and we mistakenly think they will bring us calm or peace.
So imagine that this glass of water is you, and this pitcher is the Holy Spirit. So we pray to be filled, “Come oh Holy Spirit.” we say. [I pour water into the filled glass and it overflows to the floor], but see there’s no room for the spirit.
The Holy Spirit wants to fill us, wants to be with us, wants to help us find a “peace of mind.” But if we are too full already, too convinced that we are responsible for our peacefulness, then the Spirit can’t enter in.
There is no room for the Spirit. In fact, often times we perfect those traits by thinking that we will somehow impress God by the good things we do. That somehow God will send us “more Spirit” because we’ve been so good, so polished, so righteous. But that’s not how it works.
The disciples were given the Holy Spirit NOT because they had it figured out. In fact they were huddled again in a room because they were afraid. Remember they had heard Jesus’ teachings, saw his miracles and witnessed him rising from the dead, so you’d think they’d have the confidence to go out and spread the good news. But NO. It’s not because of their action or words that they are given the Holy Spirit. It’s God’s doing.
And it’s usually in our brokenness or in our vulnerability that we are open enough to receive the Holy Spirit. It’s the same thing with being in love. We might think that it’s our good looks, or our skill sets that makes a person fall in love with us (and that might be what first attracts someone to us), but usually it’s our openness or our vulnerability that allows someone to stay in love with us.
And the more that we can let go of who we think we need to be to impress others, the more likely that they will see us as we really are . . . and love it. There’s short little book by Fr. John Powell. It’s called WHY AM I AFRAID TO TELL YOU WHO I REALLY AM? His conclusion is that we all fear to tell others who we really are because “this all I have, and you might not like it, might not like me.”
In being loved by another, but more importantly in being loved by God . . . it’s not our greatness that God loves. It’s not when we have it all together or when we feel like we are NOT sinning that God notices us. NO. It’s actually when we can acknowledge our wounds, our fears, our mistakes, our sins that there’s room for the Spirit to enter in and give us peace.
[I sip from the glass as I say….]
When we can admit that we don’t have it all together.
When we can admit that we have made mistakes, caused harm or said some nasty things.
When we acknowledge that we have used other “means” to find peace, sometimes harmful or destructive means.
When we realize that we don’t have to be perfect.
When we realize that we don’t have to be in control of everything. Especially those difficult family members, those ornery neighbors, those jerks at school, those goofy politicians.
When we realize that we don’t need to be right about things. That’s OK to admit we don’t know something, or understand something.
When we can admit that life is hard and sometimes feels so overwhelming . . . and we don’t know where to turn.
Thomas Merton (a Trappist Monk) wrote this prayer: "Loving God, you have willed to see me more really as I am. For the sinful (filled) self is not my real self. It is not the self you have wanted for me, God, it is only the self I have wanted for myself and I no longer want this false self."
With such openness, we can open ourselves to receive the Holy Spirit. Not because we are perfect or have been sinless. NO. It’s the opposite. When we can let go and empty ourselves . .
[Fill glass with water] God will come to you. The Holy Spirit wants to fill you. God loves you not because you are good. God loves because God is good.