So the gospel tells us that when we have a problem with a person . . . ignore them. But before that try taking the problem to the church authorities. BUT before that, get the facts right (and it’s good to have 2 or 3 people supporting your facts. BUT before that simple go talk to the person (not with social media, not gossiping) but in private.
That’s just darn good advice. It was true back 2,000 years ago. It’s true today. Go talk with the person that you are having a hard time with. Sometimes just mentioning the situation will clear things up. For example, a few years ago, a woman from the parish confronted me, “Why do you hate me?” “What do you mean? I sked. “The other week when you were in Coborn’s you didn’t say hello.” “What? I didn’t even see.” “Oh, never mind.” she said.
You see, the problem is that we often frame the situation [hold up a picture frame] by some back memory, or label, or put people into compartments. Many of you students have already done this . . . to that teacher you think you won’t like, to the subject that you think is too hard, or to the new kid who you’ve labeled as a dork. We don’t give them a chance, instead we frame them and assume all sorts of things about them. Often based on some little comment or remark.
And ONE frame can’t work for everyone. So stop trying to figure the situation with your ONE frame. That is with goofy thinking, such as, “they are all out to get me, nobody likes me, everyone who votes like that is an idiot.” For when we frame the person or situation, even as the correct facts are presented to us . . . we stay stuck on framing them a certain way. Well, get rid of that frame. Or at least replace it. [Show a different frame.]
Pope Francis has been trying to do that with us. Did you read about his recent remarks last month about how some Catholics here in the United States are replacing doctrine with ideologies? The Pope was mad. He said that we can’t stay stuck (i.e. with a frame of mind) that some ideas can never be challenged or changed in the Catholic Church.
He said, “We need to understand that there is an appropriate evolution in the understanding of matters of faith and morals, (meaning that the certain issues may change as we gain more information) In other words, doctrines progress, expand and consolidate with time and becomes firmer, but are always progressing,”
He gave a few examples: “Today it is a sin to possess atomic bombs; the death penalty is a sin. You cannot employ it, but it was not so before. As for slavery, some pontiffs (that means Popes) before me tolerated it, but things are different today. So you change, you change.”
And he went on to issue a warning to those ultra conservatives, “Those groups . . . are so closed, are isolating themselves. Instead of living by doctrine, by the true doctrine that always develops and bears fruit, they live by ideologies. When you abandon doctrine in life to replace it with an ideology, you have lost, you have lost as in war.”
So what do we do? We need to reframe our thinking. Instead of thinking that any change is bad, start remembering that the Catholic Church has always evolved: we used to think that the world was flat, that slavery was OK, that women were inferior to men, that Capital Punishment was OK. Those were ideologies that many people framed their whole lives around. Which is bad.
We need to get a different frame. [hold up the different frame]. Here’s situation, instead of always using the words “I have to . . . “ Such as “I have to go to school. I have to go to work. I have to go visit the in-laws.
Instead try “I get to . . .” I get to go to school. I get to go to work. I get to visit the in-laws.
As St. Paul said in the second reading, we need to reframe the situation with the thoughts of love. It’s as simple as starting with the nothing of “good intention.” That the person has good intentions, and remember that we all have a story, we all have a wound. So think how that can work with that person that you are not getting along with, start thinking well of them, instead of only framing them as: enemies, jerks, nerds, no-goods, etc. etc.
Get a frame that sparks goodness from you. Get a new frame of mind. [Show a frame] This frame was built by one of the pillars of our community who died just a few weeks ago . . . Joe Trunk. Joe was one of the remarkable people who framed everyone positively. He pictured goodness about them and around them. He’s the one I quoted some months ago, about the people who have commented that this is not a good time to build a church. Joe said that we always had such comments with EVERY building project that we ever did here. But we did it, and we’ll do it again.
But goodness wins out. Love is stronger than fear. And that person that you can’t stand right now . . . who knows, just might become a friend. As I’ve said before, “You haven’t yet met all the people who will love you.” Give them a chance.